Blog Critic has been on the phone during a break in the Ashes. He has decided to stop pretending not to read my blog, and is now pretending that he Only Does It to Stave Away The Boredom of Rain Stops Play.

But anyway, it seems my carnivorous friend is now a self-proclaimed lover of chickens and was upset by the picture in the last post. "It's a dead chicken and the suspicion will be that you've killed it" was his complaint. "I was sad. So will lots of people be. It's macabre to put pictures of dead things up and invite people to laugh about them. I felt all chilled and nervous afterwards."

I explained, knowing his professed sadness is to be taken with a Dead Sea of salt, that it was not exactly what I had done. That the chicken was HYPNOTISED, not dead, nor was it one belonging to my neighbours, but one that I'd (ok, naughty naughty) got off an Australian chook hypnosis site (of which, interestingly, there are rather a lot. J and B, my lovelies of Oz. DO explain this when you get a sec, won't you, favourite flaming gallahs? )

"That," was the reply "is a dead chicken. It 'as", he added with a fake accent and the triumph of one with a well-plotted conversation "Shuffled of this mortal coil. It is an ex-chicken". He left me for the cricket with a satisfied chuckle and the sound of him patting his own back.

But hours later I get a text. "SERIOUSLY IF PEOPLE THINK U HATE CHICKENS ANIMAL LIBBERS MIGHT PAINT U..."

So just in case. The photo on the last blog was, er, borrowed. It was not proof of a failed hypnosis experiment with P and G's chickens. Honestly. And I don't hate chickens at all, I rather like them, both as chickens and as chicken...

I texted back to say I would post to clarify.

The reply whistled back:

"DON'T."

"WHY?" I asked in frustration. I SAID I didn't know about blog etiquette, right from the start...

"GOING ON ABOUT CHICKENS MAKES U LOOK IN NEED OF THE RAPIST."

WHAT? What, what, what?

Then later, "SORRY, THERAPIST. TEXT ERROR. GOOD CRICKET".


AFTERTHOUGHT - For anyone who hasn't seen the Dead Parrot Sketch, much beloved by my Blog Critic, here it is. I am trying to ensure myself a compliment from him by putting it up . Just to see if I can.