Cold Omelette? B*gger oeuf...

This is very naughty of me but picture the situation. A dear friend has spent the night before her birthday carefully and excellently preparing Spanish tortillas, (half of them plain, half flavoured) for around 200 parent-type people and their happy summer-party offspring. 199 people smile and say "how lovely" and move happily down the queue towards the salad and condiments. One doesn't.

One is unable to be positive. This could be genetic, or it could be linked in with an acutely developed competitive spirit which apparently often seems to materialise within PTAs. (Check The Times this weekend, page something or other) Anyway, if this was indeed the case, then an evening so well-organised by Other People was, no doubt, wince-making to some degree. However, the Spanish tortillas and the accompanying grown-by-the-children salad (now just feel the Sunday Times perfection in that!) were really very good.

I'd like to pretend I had had a hand in making them, but in reality I drank wine and lolled against the kitchen sink and chatted, whisk motionless in hand. No credit here, all credit to A.

What I can do now, perhaps to make up slightly for my uselessness that night, is at least stand up for her culinary creations. They were delicious. Utterly delicious.

What they weren't was a "Cold Omelette".

There are many things I allow to slip by me, blaming a lack of time for what really is apathy. But this one? No. A Spanish Tortilla is not a Cold Omelette. And this Grump had no right to insult my friend by saying it is.

There are similarities. If you scout round the net for a while you will find several reference suggesting the origins of both the omelette and the Spanish Tortilla can be found in ancient Persia. So far, so good. (Some also say China, but for the purpose of simplicity, lets go with Persia, since China can claim pasta and annoy Italy and that's enough to be going on with, surely?)

But the etymology differs straight away. Omelette apparently goes back to the Latin lamella, meaning "flat plate", whereas tortilla derives from torta, meaning "flat cake". See? Different.

And then, an omelette should be cooked in a fine layer, and gently folded over its filling, if indeed a filling is required (for many purists say it isn't). A tortilla has its filling mixed in and is much thicker in texture, being cooked from both sides. And yes, this can also be called a fritatta and I don't know what the difference is, so have decided that this is beside the point.

But there's one more thing. Tortilla sounds good. Tortilla made with feta cheese and freshly picked courgettes and herbs sounds even better. Culinary, enticing and even vaguely romantic, reminiscent of sultry Spain to a Rodriguez soundtrack. Cold Omelette sounds like something you find hoiched up in an Aeroflot toilet after a bad spot of turbulence.

So, although it can take a lot to stir me to protest, especially at so late a time in the evening, this time I DO. They were lovely, fabulous tortillas and it was a darn beastly thing to say in earshot of the person who'd worked so hard to make them.

Madam, what were you thinking?

May your omelettes always be cold.