The Making of WINOS

WINOS – HERE WE GO...

THE BACKGROUND

A couple of months back, I got this "Motivational Traing for Women" speaker to come and talk to us. A friend had taken one of her courses and raved eyes-a-shiningly about it. Secretly, of course, I hoped it would also be My Key to a new inspired life, leading to actual fulfilment of all those good intentions paving my road to hell... I emailed around; if anyone else had been feeling a tad lethargic recently, then come along, half-expecting either to amuse or inadvertently insult. Surprisingly, hoards emailed back, straight away, saying that’s exactly how they felt and they would be there.

It was a surprise, first, and a relief, second. “You are not alone” and all that.

The evening was...odd. I’ve always been beastily superior about self-help (without, of course, any personal experience and therefore any right at all to deride) and for me at least, the evening met all my worst expectations. Our speaker was strangely dressed, overly sing-song and her all-us-girls-together style was distinctly chafing. The details of what turned out to be a blatant two hour sales-pitch do not merit recording, but at one point the she gave us all paper bags and a conspiratorial wink, and told us to write down on lots of little pieces of paper “all the lovely things we thought about ourselves”.

Hey? Surely the whole POINT of being a housewifing mother with a few births behind you, AND at the far end of your thirties, is that you now have the right NOT to think anything lovely about yourself at all?

Most of us sat and looked and giggled and wrote nothing. It was a very awkward five minutes. And at the end of it, our speaker said, with evident self-congratulation “And NOW ladies, put this in your bag and carry it everywhere. Everywhere! You... now... all... have... (pause for imaginary drum roll…) Bags Of Confidence!”

We must have all looked a bit dumbfounded because she certainly let irritation slip through her wink-wink joviality. Change to especially patient voice. “What you DO, ladies, is use that bag to give you a bit of a boost when you’re feeling a little bit low. You get it out and read it and then” (hissed near-menacingly) "You WILL feel BETTER".

Hmm. This kind of stuff doesn’t work for me but, to be polite, I am sure is a very valid exercise for some and therefore I don’t mean to disparage unnecessarily. In any case, the single bit of paper I’d manage, after much internal wrangling said “Good at piano” to which I had then added “quite” and a question mark. Which wouldn’t give me a boost at all, because were I to follow this practice, my reaction would then be “And you can’t even play the piano any more, you dull lunk.”

SO ENTER WINOS

But we did all go to the pub. And that’s when it all became fun. We had already, by our attendance, tacitly admitted to a mutual lack of motivation. But we decided, straight out, that we were not going to pay several hundred pounds each for a Strange Lady and an evening writing on little slips of paper.

However, there it was: there are a lot of us around, mothers, working or not, all with very little time to ourselves at the end of the day. And something seems to have slipped. We couldn't put our collective finger on it that night but we’re all feeling a little bit, well, flimsy. Apathetic, maybe? Tired, definitely. A little bit lacking in SOMETHING. None of us there were unhappy with our lot, and we are all REALLY grateful for where we are. BUT something definitely lacks. L says that her mojo has mosied and I’m inclined to feel the same. Have we morphed into an extension of our families, just a little bit? And why this sudden lack of self-confidence?

So, this is our attempt at a comeback. Every month or so, we will get together in a very non self-help way, and DO something; even, LEARN something. Something that we wouldn’t otherwise do, something, most importantly unrelated to kids and houses and husbands. Something that will force some of the stunning talents hanging around to be dusted down and put to use again.

It is not intended to be, in any twee sense, a little night out for the ladies. Nor must it be one of the horrific socials for women whose idea of female solidarity is to shriek along to I Will Survive after bottles of chardonnay. We can all sense, I think, that there is much irony in the mere idea, but that can surely be part of the fun. And if this all sounds far too joyful and WI for words, well, that’s probably because it’s exactly what it is, with less Jerusalem.

As for what we can do, I think the floor is open. Suggestions so far have included sword fighting, cookery, African dance, and laugh-yoga. Or we might just sit in the pub. But at least, we'll be doing something.

C, who is very sharp and very funny (and very beautiful and should have had her little paper bag over-flowing that night, but I BET she came over all self-deprecating and wrote nothing), came up with the name.

WINOS. Women In Need….Of Something. Its dainty link to another of our self-proclaimed favourite past times is purely a happy and poetic coincidence. What's more, the use of the word “something” means, delightfully, we don’t have to analyse ourselves any further and decide just what the hell it is we want. And that we can be as serious or as tongue-in-cheek about it as we like. Clever, C, you really are.


So. KH (fortified with the confidence of the truly talented; just check out www.thissideupcartoons.com ) is running our first one: an evening on how to sketch. Fabulous! Personally speaking, I have never sketched anything in my life and can't draw for the proverbial toffee but who knows where this might lead?

It ain' t housework and that's good enough for me.

New WINOS members always welcome if any of the above attracts.